gobsmackr

“He whacked her in the butt, but it wasn’t sexual abuse—he has spastic movements,” says Wyatt Gibbons, a lawyer for Hippocrate Mertsaris, a lawyer with cerebral palsy who allegedly grabbed the inner thigh and buttocks of a Taxi and Limousine Commission judge during a meeting in her Kew Gardens offices. “If he was starving to death and had a hamburger in front of him he couldn’t lean over to pick it up.”

Mmmmm....Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Two chip! Two Pepsi!

We say: But throw in some Hamburger Helper and he’ll use one of those perfectly timed “spasms” to snatch the burger, the buns, and whatever the Wheel of Fortune throws his way.

Cynthia Nixon, star of Sex In The City fame, says: “She’s basically a short man with boobs,” speaking of fiancee Christine Marinoni, who she plans to marry once same-sex marriage is legalized in New York.

We say: Somewhere Danny Devito is singing the blues.

After being read his Miranda warning, Louie De Palma says "W4MW? WTF?!"