gobsmackr

NYC Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly says: “We thought it warranted an interview,” speaking of the man captured on Times Square surveillance video taking a shirt off to reveal…another shirt. “This was a warm day. This happened just around the time that the pops start to go off inside the car. So that’s why we simply want to talk to him.”

Who loves ya, baby?!

We say: That’s some serious sleuthing, Kojak. The Naked Cowboy performing on acoustic guitar around the corner every day for the past 11 years doesn’t seem to register, but a middle-aged balding guy doing something normal draws the attention of Big Brother. Very comforting…

The mouth of human kindness

Simon Cowell says: “You have to be good looking, [and] secondly, you have to know what you’re talking about,” referring to his potential replacement (including Howard Stern) as chief d-bag on American Idol.

We say: You look like the drunken lovechild of Kermit the Frog and Mel Gibson, and your musical taste smells like ass, so what the fuck do you know about it? Nice t-shirt collection, you tard–don’t unretire, okay?