gobsmackr

Tony Hayward, CEO of BP, says: “I made a hurtful and thoughtless comment on Sunday when I said that ‘I wanted my life back.’ When I read that recently, I was appalled. I apologize, especially to the families of the 11 men who lost their lives in this tragic accident.”

"But I said 'sorry.'"

We say: We want our environment back, but that’s not going to happen, so wake up! This IS your life, you slimy motherfucker. Fact is, you’re lucky to still be breathing, let alone making your monstrous salary. This snafu is just another poisonous example of your lack of foresight. You didn’t think about what you were saying and what it’s effect would be, just like you didn’t have the tools in your toolkit to deal with “low-probability, high-impact” issue like that little itty bitty oil spill. “Sorry” doesn’t fix it, asshole. This is your life for now on and  you’ve got to deal with it. Stop apologizing, stop spinning, and get something done.

John Mayer loves the smell of napalm in the morning...

Jessica Simpson says: ”I felt betrayed. It made me so sad and it was really discouraging, because that’s not the John that I knew…I hope he gets his life together,” speaking to Oprah Winfrey about the Playboy article in which ex-boyfriend/effete rocker John Mayer compared sex with the singer to crack cocaine and called her “sexual napalm.”

We say: You hope he gets his life together?! You still don’t get how a can of tuna can contain fish when the brand is “Chicken of the Sea,” and you’re acting holier than thou? Football players, actors, and musicans lust after you and then the relationship ends the same way every time, so maybe it’s time for you to get your life together and make some changes…or, more likely, take that inevitable next step down the hierarchical road and start banging a politician. If so, please make it Sarah Palin.

Mark Bauer, Lieutenant Governor of South Carolina, says “My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed! You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that.”

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