gobsmackr

Lick my boots, Jesse.

Jesse James, husband of Oscar-winning actress Sandra Bullock, speaking of his extramarital sex scandal with a 24-year-old, white-supremacist, neo-Nazi tattoo and fetish “model,” says: “There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.”

We say: Poor judgment? No, everything bad that’s coming your way is because of your dick. And because only someone carrying the genes of two parents stupid enough to name their son after a notorious murderer could be capable of sabotaging their life of luxury the way you just did, dumbass. If you think it was tough taking a swastika-studded dildo in your butt for kicks, just wait for what life after divorce court has in store for you. There’s a spot in the trailer park for you and Lil’ Miss Third Reich just down the road yonder… right next to Tiger Woods’ double-wide.

Human wreckage carried Tiger's club and balls

Gloria Allred, lawyer for ex-porn star/former Tiger Woods putting partner Joslyn James (aka Veronica Siwik Daniels) says: “He is ignoring the human wreckage that he has left behind [with his return to golf]. Whatever happens in the Masters’ Tournament will not change the fact that as far as Veronica is concerned, Tiger has proven himself to be the master of deception.”

We say: We’re no fans of Tiger Woods or his extramarital dalliances, but it’s hard to take someone with fake boobs and a well-documented lifetime achievement award for sucking penis on film seriously when they talk about … well, er, anything. Other than sucking penis, that is.