gobsmackr

How do you say "bullshit" in Chinese?

Yeung Wing-Cheung, representing a team of Chinese and Turkish evangelical explorers, says: “It’s not 100 percent that it is Noah’s Ark,” speaking of wooden remains they have discovered on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey, “but we think it is 99.9 percent that this is it.”

We say: But then there’s that other 0.1 percent that keeps shouting out “loser” to the sane world. If you find Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart and Bigfoot inside playing Texas Hold Em, maybe we’ll believe you, but until then stop with the nonsense and go fetch us some fried pork dumplings from the kitchen.

John Mayer loves the smell of napalm in the morning...

Jessica Simpson says: ”I felt betrayed. It made me so sad and it was really discouraging, because that’s not the John that I knew…I hope he gets his life together,” speaking to Oprah Winfrey about the Playboy article in which ex-boyfriend/effete rocker John Mayer compared sex with the singer to crack cocaine and called her “sexual napalm.”

We say: You hope he gets his life together?! You still don’t get how a can of tuna can contain fish when the brand is “Chicken of the Sea,” and you’re acting holier than thou? Football players, actors, and musicans lust after you and then the relationship ends the same way every time, so maybe it’s time for you to get your life together and make some changes…or, more likely, take that inevitable next step down the hierarchical road and start banging a politician. If so, please make it Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin, the best the G.O.P. has to offer

Sarah Palin says: “I will live I will die for the people of America. This party that we call the Tea Party, this movement, as I say is the future of politics in America.”

We say: We’ll take the dying part, but you are so unimaginably stupid that we’ll let you slide a few more years until you announce your candidacy to run against Obama..and then we’ll celebrate. In the meantime, brush up on that original ideas thing, or perhaps speaking in complete, grammatical sentences. Believe it or not, it actually matters.